A Statement From The Founder…
I mean these following words as much as anything I have ever written.
I have seen and witnessed and known God for who He is the very most in the
“it’s time to let go”
“the healing has not come yet”
“this dream will not come true”
“why do I keep crying”
“I have screwed up so bad”
“I will never arrive”
“I always mess this up”
than anything or any place else. When I chose to step away from this blog, those statements made their way back into my mind and thoughts. They knocked on the door of my heart with all their might. Reminding me of both the ups and downs of my journey with God. My life has been a story of someone who made costly decisions, that hurt myself and others from a disposition of desperation in the innermost parts of my soul. Or in other words, my life has been a journey of a boy, a teen, and a man learning how to disown, dethrone and move onward from a discontent in God and an affection for this world and all of its’ empty promises. My life was always from the viewpoint of “look how far I have to go” rather than “look how far I’ve come.” Or “look how much I have yet to do to please God” rather than “look at what God says about me, He is already well pleased.”
Over the years, like you, I have seen over and over again yet another article explaining the moral failure of some renown spiritual leader or pastor. That congregation grieves, that pastor leaves, and the world reads about it in the months to come. The question that follows every one of those leaders in the next chapter of their life as they confess, recover and heal is “how did we get here?” “What happened in your heart or mind that caused you to misplace an identity, conviction or commitment to the Lord?”
No, I am not leaving this blog because of a moral failure. I am leaving, because I want to better rest and lean into all that God says that I am. Because, somewhere in my communication and thoughts and writings, there has been a clear hint and incline towards a proud spirit, or a discontent heart before the Lord. Likely, it is that carnal combination of the two. I am leaving, because I do not want to find myself in the same painful place those pastors were that I read about. Psalm 139:23-24 is when I knew the Holy Spirit was nudging at my heart, to reconsider where all my motives for this blog has lead me to. “Search me, oh God, and know my heart. Examine me and know my thoughts. See if there is any less than holy, or wicked way in me, and lead me to life in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139 screams at us to never live a life that does not daily throw our motives before the Lord and do a fierce inventory at the throne of grace to discover or remind ourselves of who we truly are in Jesus.
So, that is where I want to focus my mind and energy in the coming months. Not because I have morally failed, but because I want to take that next step of radical dependence on the Lord. And I cannot do that if I am making it all about me with the words I write, the things I say or the people I lead. If it is truly all about Jesus, then we must remove the potential idols, the things grasping for our entire affection and trust Christ to bring us back to the ground zero of our faith.
You can call this a sabbatical from writing. A break. Space. I am calling it a chance to walk, alone, with Jesus. Leading others or engaging with this world is critical, beautiful and a powerful calling. But we can not do such things if we do not first and forever there after truthfully search and seek for God in the quiet place. The secret place. The secluded place.
Please be aware that this blog will continue. Nothing really changes here. I have a team of amazing writers and followers of Jesus that desire and will to share with you their perspective on life and living. The blogs, the content, it will move forward right along without me. As it should.
And so with that, I step back, humbled by the reality that one of those initial statements I put out there is true: I have yet to arrive. It is here, the in between, the chaos and the yearning that Christ will even more so, prove Himself worthy of all of my attention and trust.
Until next time,
Ryken