Church Hurt: A Calling To Never Give Up
You know who you are, and YOU is likely to be nearly every person reading this.
There’s no escaping the fact. One of the most common places Christians have experienced the deepest of pain and let down has been within the walls of this sacred ecosystem called “Church.” If you were to tell me your story and I tell you mine, we’d probably spend the good part of a day going into all of the emotions, triggers, memories and disappointment we’ve been subject to from Churches in our own past and individual journeys.
There’s nothing ground shaking to share here. Nothing that you do not already know. But it can be far too easy to cover our pain or leave resentment towards the Church unreconciled with blanket statements we often fall back to like “hurt people hurt people.” And while this is true, we do ourselves, and the community of Jesus a disservice when we are not honest, open and willing to explain our pain, process, and find true and lasting healing.
If we do not do this, we risk the numbers back possibility that we will never go back. That what God is doing and planning for our world through His people in His Church will move right along without us. My sweet friend, it brings life and healing to remember that the Church belongs to Jesus, and it matters so much to Him. And you, being a part of His church makes the heart of your God glad.
Christ eludes in Scripture to the Church as His bride. To give one such a title is to view them as the peak of beauty, splendor, and as something, or someone, incredibly worth living for, fighting for, and even dying for…This term and identity Christ offers us is a direct statement from Himself that He madly desires intimacy with us. Christ is letting us know that He is all in, in His relationship with the Church.
To the one struggling with deep wounds from the Church, this offers a powerful hope. This is the promise of Jesus. His commitment to you. That even in the hurt and disappointment and betrayal that you’ve experienced in His church, He is never, ever unavailable or disengaged.
As someone who has experienced hurt in the walls of the Church, and has served on staff at a Church, I want to tell you right now that I am so sorry. I am sorry for the slander, gossip, abuse, dismissal or dishonesty you’ve experienced at the hands of those who were supposed to shepherd you, lead you, protect you and walk alongside you.
You have the freedom and accountability of Jesus to bring to light sin, abuse and criminal activity committed towards you from the Church. Let me make that so very clear. Unaddressed sin or criminal activity is not God’s dream or vision for His church. And it should not be tolerated by His people. If there is something that you need to bring to light, or tell local authorities, or explain to elders and pastors, do so with the courage and grace Christ has given to you. If you need to leave a Church that has caused harm and pain and disunity in your family…leave with confidence and be brave in the act.
Even as you do brave things that may awaken ridicule and harassment towards you, remember these two things.
One, you belong to Jesus. He is your greatest advocate, healer and lover.
Two, remember that the Church also belongs to Him. Christ laid His life down for His church. And so we too, should radically seek to speak words of life and offer acts of radical service to the church at large.
The church is filled with stories, some similar to yours. Where people have found hurt and setbacks in their own Church community. Who were let down, mistreated and left grasping for air and escape. But, just like you, they understand that the spirit and greatness of God is stronger and more wonderful and beautiful than the mess and sorrow you will find in His church. That mess is why He carried the cross to Calvary.
For you. For me. For His Church.
There is validity in your pain. There is also a calling, to never, ever give up.
~ Ryken
